Ex 1. 照第一個TOEFL的TOPIC寫一個試試看
TOPIC: Air conditioner
- comfortable environment for humans → able to work even at noon
- computer compute generates heat → AC cools the server room → AI today possible.
From the last two hundred years technology has excelled at a rapid scale. Claire made a good point, vitamins help us to stay healthy and some of the vitamins like vitamin C makes us less susceptible to diseases. However, I would say that the most important invention would be the fundamental part of operating electronic devices, similar to Pauls’ idea. From my point of view, the air conditioner would be the most essential technological invention in our daily lives. First, air conditioners provide a cozy environment for humans to work anywhere and at anytime regardless of the temperature and the time, which excels the productivity of all human kinds, even for the ones living near the equator. Second, technologies today generates a lot of heat, especially the server room that all the modern websites relies on. If air conditioners doesn’t exist, lots of websites would be down and people won’t be able to get reliable internet services, AI services or even online meetings that easily.
Self Revision
Bing AI
Grammar
| 原始作文 | 文法結構說明 | 文法concept | 給個例句 |
|---|---|---|---|
| vitamins like vitamin C makes us less susceptible to diseases | 當主詞為複數時，動詞應該要用複數形式 | Subject-Verb Agreement | Vitamins like vitamin C make us less susceptible to diseases. |
| From my perspective of view | 這裡的介系詞使用不正確 | Prepositions | From my point of view |
| which excels the productivity of all human kinds | 這裡的動詞使用不正確 | Verb Usage | which enhances the productivity of all human kinds |
| technologies today generates a lot of heat | 當主詞為複數時，動詞應該要用複數形式 | Subject-Verb Agreement | Technologies today generate a lot of heat |
| the server room that all the modern websites relies on | 當主詞為複數時，動詞應該要用複數形式 | Subject-Verb Agreement | The server room that all the modern websites rely on |
| If air conditioners doesn’t exist | 在if條件句中，動詞應該要用原形 | Conditional Sentences | If air conditioners don’t exist |
Ex 2. Disagree:
- medical advancement → don’t get that much of diceases → people have better health, good quality of life → live longer life not shorter
- help of internet → people get health advices easily → prolong their lifespan.
Have you ever wondered the future average health of all human kinds? The health of people should only get higher not lower because of the modern medical advancements and the increase of efficiency on spreading good health advice.
With modern medical advancements, we’re now less susceptible to deadly diseases. Several years ago, the influenza outbreak spread throughout the world, and we have no effective vaccines and medicines of it, costing older people lives, and younger people to suffer. Viruses like this always lower the capacity of the hospitals, causing those need to see the doctors unable to do so, therefore, decreases the quality of life. However, we don’t face to these kinds of problems anymore. We now have strong vaccines and medicines to fight for the disease. Take COVID-19, with the help of these medical advancements, we waited for one year for the vaccines to come out, and after that we don’t need to worry for the deadly diseases.
Internet provides good health advices, and with the efficiency of the web spreading informations, people can get quality health tips very easily. Nowadays, we have sites dedicated to health advices in every country, and even CDCs are making good health advices. For example, the symptoms or certain diseases or how to washing your hands during COVID. By spreading those informations, a good chunk of people are getting those informations on their on social media pages, result in better wellbeing of all humans.
Overall, with the help of medical advancements and the spreading of great information on the internet, in the next few years, we should only see the improvement of wellbeing of all human kinds. However, governments should invest large amount of money into medicine research and making quality informations to extend the average health status even more.
Self revision
Grammar
- Information isn’t countable
- health advices ⇒ health advice，advice isn’t countable
Bing AI
- humankind isn’t countable
P1
| 原始作文 | 文法結構說明 | 文法concept | 給個例句 |
|---|---|---|---|
| Have you ever wondered the future average health of all human kinds? | “wonder”後面應該接關於某事的問題，而不是直接接某事。 | 使用”wonder about” | Have you ever wondered about the future average health of all humankind? |
| The health of people should only get higher not lower because of the modern medical advancements and the increase of efficiency on spreading good health advice. | 這句話的文法結構正確，但可能需要一些標點符號來提高可讀性。 | 使用逗號來分隔複雜的句子 | The health of people should only get higher, not lower, because of the modern medical advancements and the increase of efficiency in spreading good health advice. |
P2
| 原始作文 | 文法結構說明 | 文法concept | 給個例句 |
|---|---|---|---|
| Several years ago, the influenza outbreak spread throughout the world, and we have no effective vaccines and medicines of it, costing older people lives, and younger people to suffer. | “have no effective vaccines and medicines of it”應該改為”had no effective vaccines and medicines for it”。 | 使用正確的介詞 | “Several years ago, the influenza outbreak spread throughout the world, and we had no effective vaccines and medicines for it, costing older people lives, and causing younger people to suffer.” |
| Viruses like this always lower the capacity of the hospitals, causing those need to see the doctors unable to do so, therefore, decreases the quality of life. | “causing those need to see the doctors unable to do so”應該改為”causing those who need to see the doctors to be unable to do so”。 | 使用關係代詞 | “Viruses like this always lower the capacity of the hospitals, causing those who need to see the doctors to be unable to do so, therefore, decreasing the quality of life.” |
| However, we don’t face to these kinds of problems anymore. | “face to”應該改為”face”。 | 使用正確的動詞 | “However, we don’t face these kinds of problems anymore.” |
| We now have strong vaccines and medicines to fight | “fight for the disease”應該改為”fight the disease”。 | 使用正確的動詞 | “We now have strong vaccines and medicines to fight the disease.” |
| Take COVID-19, with the help of these medical advancements, we waited for one year for the vaccines to come out, and after that we don’t need to worry for the deadly diseases. | “worry for the deadly diseases”應該改為”worry about the deadly diseases”。 | 使用正確的介詞 | “Take COVID-19, with the help of these medical advancements, we waited for one year for the vaccines to come out, and after that we don’t need to worry about the deadly diseases.” |
P3
| 原始作文 | 文法結構說明 | 文法concept | 給個例句 |
|---|---|---|---|
| Internet provides good health advices, and with the efficiency of the web spreading informations, people can get quality health tips very easily. | ”advices”和”informations”都應該改為單數形式，因為在英語中，這兩個詞都是不可數名詞。 | “advice”和”information”的使用 | “The internet provides good health advice, and with the efficiency of the web spreading information, people can get quality health tips very easily.” |
| Nowadays, we have sites dedicated to health advices in every country, and even CDCs are making good health advices. | “advices”應該改為”advice”。 | “advice”的使用 | “Nowadays, we have sites dedicated to health advice in every country, and even CDCs are providing good health advice.” |
| For example, the symptoms or certain diseases or how to washing your hands during COVID. | “how to washing your hands during COVID”應該改為”how to wash your hands during COVID”。 | 使用正確的動詞 | “For example, the symptoms of certain diseases or how to wash your hands during COVID.” |
| By spreading those informations, a good chunk of people are getting those informations on their on social media pages, result in better wellbeing of all humans. | “informations”應該改為”information”，“on their on social media pages”應該改為”on their own social media pages”，“result in better wellbeing of all humans”應該改為”resulting in better wellbeing for all humans”。 | “information”的使用和動詞的連貫性 | “By spreading that information, a good chunk of people are getting that information on their own social media pages, resulting in better wellbeing for all humans.” |
P4
| 原始作文 | 文法結構說明 | 文法concept | 給個例句 |
|---|---|---|---|
| Overall, with the help of medical advancements and the spreading of great information on the internet, in the next few years, we should only see the improvement of wellbeing of all human kinds. | 這句話的文法結構正確，但”human kinds”應該改為”humankind”。 | “humankind”的使用 | “Overall, with the help of medical advancements and the spreading of great information on the internet, in the next few years, we should only see the improvement of wellbeing for all humankind.” |
| However, governments should invest large amount of money into medicine research and making quality informations to extend the average health status even more. | “making quality informations”應該改為”making quality information”。 | “information”的使用 | “However, governments should invest a large amount of money into medical research and making quality information to extend the average health status even more.” |
Vocab
| 作文原句 | 原句的原單字 | 建議替代的字 | 替代單字例句 |
|---|---|---|---|
| Have you ever wondered the future average health of all human kinds? | wondered | pondered | Have you ever pondered the future average health of all humankind? |
| The health of people should only get higher not lower because of the modern medical advancements and the increase of efficiency on spreading good health advice. | advancements | progress | The health of people should only get higher not lower because of the modern medical progress and the increase of efficiency on spreading good health advice. |
| With modern medical advancements, we’re now less susceptible to deadly diseases. | susceptible | vulnerable | With modern medical advancements, we’re now less vulnerable to deadly diseases. |
| Several years ago, the influenza outbreak spread throughout the world, and we have no effective vaccines and medicines of it, costing older people lives, and younger people to suffer. | suffer | endure | Several years ago, the influenza outbreak spread throughout the world, and we have no effective vaccines and medicines of it, costing older people lives, and younger people to endure. |
| Internet provides good health advices, and with the efficiency of the web spreading informations, people can get quality health tips very easily. | tips | guidelines | Internet provides good health advice, and with the efficiency of the web spreading information, people can get quality health guidelines very easily. |
| Overall, with the help of medical advancements and the spreading of great information on the internet, in the next few years, we should only see the improvement of wellbeing of all human kinds. | improvement | enhancement | Overall, with the help of medical advancements and the spreading of great information on the internet, in the next few years, we should only see the enhancement of wellbeing of all humankind. |
Topic Dev.
| 項目 | 原始作文 | 延伸句子 |
|---|---|---|
| So What | Have you ever pondered the future average health of all humankind? | Have you ever pondered the future average health of all humankind, considering the rapid advancements in medical technology and the widespread accessibility of health information? |
| How | The health of people should only get higher not lower because of the modern medical progress and the increase of efficiency on spreading good health advice. | The health of people should only get higher, not lower, due to the modern medical progress and the increased efficiency ==in disseminating(spreading) beneficial health advice through various platforms, including digital media.== |
| Why | With modern medical advancements, we’re now less vulnerable to deadly diseases. | With modern medical advancements, we’re now less vulnerable to deadly diseases, ==as these advancements have led to the development of effective vaccines and treatments, significantly reducing the mortality rate associated with such diseases.== |
| So What | Internet provides good health advice, and with the efficiency of the web spreading information, people can get quality health guidelines very easily. | The internet, ==being a vast repository of information==, provides good health advice. With the efficiency of the web in disseminating information, people can now access quality health guidelines with ease, contributing to an informed and health-conscious society. |
| How | Overall, with the help of medical advancements and the spreading of great information on the internet, in the next few years, we should only see the enhancement of wellbeing for all humankind. | Overall, with the help of medical advancements and the proliferation(rapid increase in numbers) of high-quality information on the internet, we should expect to see a significant enhancement in the wellbeing of all humankind in the coming years. |
| Why | However, governments should invest a large amount of money into medical research and making quality information to extend the average health status even more. | However,to further extend the average health status, governments should invest a substantial amount of resources into medical research and the creation of quality health information. This would ensure the continuous improvement of healthcare services and the availability of up-to-date, reliable health information for the public. |
Grade?
- 任務回應(Task Response)：你的作文清楚地回應了題目，並提供了具體的例子和理由來支持你的觀點。這部分我會給予7分。
- 一致性和連貫性(Coherence and Cohesion)：你的段落結構清晰，每個段落都有明確的主題句，並且段落之間的連接也很流暢。這部分我會給予7分。
- 詞彙資源(Lexical Resource)：你的作文使用了一些專業的醫學詞彙，但在一些地方，詞彙的使用可以更豐富和精確。這部分我會給予6分。
- 語法範疇和準確性(Grammatical Range and Accuracy)：你的作文中有一些文法錯誤，例如介詞的使用不當，以及一些句子的結構需要改進。這部分我會給予6分分。
總的來說，你的作文大致可以得到6.5分。請注意，這只是一個大致的評估，實際的雅思評分可能會有所不同。希望這對你有所幫助！